“Travel ‘n’ Write,” Europe, Blog 2 As we tiredly, crankily and “thank god we made it-ly” pulled up to our hotel in the wee hours of the morning, my friend/traveling companion and I looked at each … Continue reading
“Travel ‘n’ Write,” Europe, Blog 1 As I was attempting to fit a suitcase full of toiletries into a QUART-size Hefty bag this morning, I thought to myself, “Well now’s as good a time as any to start my travel … Continue reading
It’s 4:00 a.m. again, time to write. Only this time I’m actually going to do it.
I’m a writer and, as it turns out, writers write. Writers write, that is, when they actually choose to heed the call. Either then or when there’s just no more room inside. It’s true. Eventually, it all builds up until something has to be released. Sounds a lot like another experience in Life, doesn’t it? Oh, the metaphors.
I’ve had articles moving toward climax in me for years. This morning I’m choosing to surrender, let go. An orgasm on paper. Let’s see what comes of it.
In my life, particularly in the last seven years (but before then as well), I tend to move forward based on guidance, dreams and synchronicities. Prayer’s in there, too, but I chose not to include it in the title of this article because I thought some people who (with good reason) have an aversion to all things religious-sounding might choose not to read the article if they thought it had anything to do with dogma, rules, guilt and, frankly, boredom.
It doesn’t. It’s just what wants to come through me at this moment in time. And after an hour in bed choosing to resist it, someone (maybe me) lit a fire under my ass after all and, well, here I am.
Some people would say, “Just live.” Hell, I say that. In fact, paradoxically, it comes full circle to just exactly that. The thing is—there’s a difference between living (if we can call it that) by default and actually LIVING. Let me see if I can explain:
So life is happening, and there’s all this so-called living going on (based on rules, roles, expectations, dogma, culture, family, society; mostly unconscious, kind of a lost in a whirlwind-type experience; ya-da-ya-da-ya-da). Then a piano falls on your head, crushes you and your entire life to pieces . . . you don’t know what hit you . . . why me? . . . I’d rather die . . . blah, blah, blah . . . aaaaaand a whole bunch of dying goes on. Right about here, it’s highly likely, regardless of your beliefs, that you’ll surrender and you’ll pray (this may have happened earlier, namely as the trigger for The Force that actually pushed the piano over the ledge and onto your head, but let’s not get caught up in petty details). Next thing you know, you realize you’re still alive and you might go something like, “What the fuck?” So, living’s happening again. But something’s up. You’re not even sure what it is, you just know that you’re gonna go about things differently this time. Re-enter: Prayer and Surrender, Surrender and Prayer . . . it’s like the chicken and the egg thing—I’m not even sure which comes first but bachity-bach-bach-bach, I don’t think it matters.
I live in Georgia now. Never saw that one coming (well, until I did). People ask what brought me here, and I respond, “It’s a long story but here’s the short, okay medium, version—guidance, dreams and synchronicities.” I say this often enough—and the related experiences I’ve had to each of these things in my life have happened enough—that I think it’s time to share them. And really it doesn’t even matter if I think it’s time. Life says it’s time and that’s that (So, I’m pretty sure this may be the first in a series of blogs describing my guidance, dreams and synchronicities).
I believe we’re here to wake each other up, to splash cold water in each other’s faces, to shock and to shake. I, for one, yet again, have been pressing that snooze button for way too long. And self-pleasuring is wonderful but never as a way of replacing what really wants to be released. Recently, a friend of mine asked me what lights me up. Another asked what turns me on. I LOVE these questions! When I shared, to the best of my ability, my answer, my friend exclaimed, “What about ‘Verbal Tantra’?!” So, this morning, my friends, that’s what we have, a little Verbal Tantra. Thanks, Myrrh. Nothing excites me more than allowing Life to express Itself through me in all kinds of glorious ways! One of my favorites is words, especially in the form of poetry. I also revel in inviting words to form around what it feels like to do this life thing from the perspective of this body, this mind, this spirit, this Soul, this woman, this Being. And I’ve not been honoring sharing in the form of these articles that are dying to be born (literally dying inside of me as they wait to be birthed). I’ve kinda been hiding behind the poetry. And it’s time to come out of the metaphorical closet.
Soooooo, back to the article: Guidance, Dreams and Synchronicities. Yes, I feel very compelled to share my most recent encounter with this—let’s call it a—phenomenon. This may or may not lead me to share past rendezvous with my Soul: we’ll see how tired my fingers get before completion but I have a feeling those stories are for another day!
Presently, I am working at a job for which I’m grateful and for which I can’t leave soon enough (in my experience, gratitude and discontent can and do coexist). As guided as I was to my current position (for all kinds of reasons), I feel just as guided to leave. I have for quite a while. Have you heard the quote, “People don’t change until the pain of changing becomes less than the pain of staying the same”? I’m not even sure who said that, and it appears Google doesn’t know either, but it’s a goodie—one of my favorites. It has proven to be true in my life time and time again. I’m not sure why but resistance seems to be one of my favorite past-times. Anyway, I’ve been putting off leaving for many reasons, all of them based in fear. Now I know better than to live from a place of fear—I’ve jumped off many a cliff already in this lifetime. Still, I chose to stay stuck in it for quite a while. When I’m in the muck like this, my Soul always seems to kick in, almost in spite of me (although I do start to get a vibe that dreams and guidance are on the way, and I root for them as much as against them). It seems contradictory and like a paradox that even when I’m resisting, there’s a part of me that’s surrendered but this is how it happens in my case. Whether my symbolic dreams are able to kick in for this reason or they come of their own accord is beyond me but they come nonetheless. And boy am I glad!
As always, The Dream showed up at the right and perfect time. Here’s what happened as I slept:
I came out the door after work one day and could not find my car. After searching for a bit I thought I saw it shoved into the middle of the street. As it turns out, it wasn’t my car but the car of a male friend I’d been hanging out with at the time. He was in the car so I told him I couldn’t find my car, hoping he would assist me. He drove away, unwilling to help (btw, this same friend has discouraged me at times from leaving my current job). Not sure what to do, I continued to look around. There were many parking lots all around me. As time went on, I began to get the eerie feeling that my car had been stolen.
A lovely tea shop with delicious frozen teas, music and dancing kept randomly popping in and out of my dream. I was able to enter it sporadically, taking breaks from searching for my vehicle. But I could never partake of the deliciousness because I hadn’t yet found my car. During one stop inside the shop, I witnessed three female police officers dressed in lay attire informing a young man that it was a better idea to handle a disagreement with a dance-off rather than a fist fight. I left the shop again and resumed my search. In the meantime, my male friend drove by, this time going very fast. I waved frantically, begging him for help, but to no avail. The tea shop reappeared, along with the three female officers. I was so impressed with their advice to the young man that I asked for their assistance in locating my car. They came into the parking lot with me. I looked around and was certain I spotted the old blue Corolla. I became so excited but this was short-lived because my ride was blocked by a car full of “bad guys.” Again, I asked the “law” for help. We began approaching the car together but as we got closer I realized it wasn’t my car after all. I informed the officers of this and as we walked away, I fully realized and accepted that my car had been stolen. I officially reported this to the three female officers, and they responded, “We can only help you so much. You have to do the rest on your own.”
As is always the case for me after a dream that I am certain is very symbolic and contains guidance for the next steps on my journey, I woke up and immediately wrote down everything I could remember. Every ounce of me knew this dream was speaking to me as during times of struggle, Life always comes through and has my back—very, very often in the form of dreams. As I finished the documentation, I looked at my male friend sleeping peacefully next to me and knew in that moment that everything had changed.
My interpretation of the dream probably seems pretty obvious but essentially came down to this at the time: It is time to leave my job but my fear of not having a means to do so and my failure to take action around ways of doing so are in my way. Also, it is time for the form of the current relationship with my friend to change as it (he in the dream) is not helping me get anywhere. Even though I am enjoying certain aspects of this relationship, its current form is getting in my way. Too, listening to naysayer comments (my friend discouraging me from leaving my job) from others when we know something is right for us can hold us back. Also, a friend of mine (thank you, Rita) added this wonderful piece—the three female officers represent the Universal Laws.
A poem I had written several weeks prior to any of this, called “Jaded,” will appear at the end of this article. Guidance and poetry seem to go hand in hand for me. I often say it this way, “I’m not sure if I’m writing the poems or the poems are writing me.”
A week or so after this dream, I spent over a month with my two gorgeous children [to whom I am currently a long-distance (physically) mother the majority of the time] and their father. Most of this time was spent with my son but I was fortunate to have quality time with my daughter as well. She even got to visit me in Georgia for the first time! This was an enormous treat! On the day they all headed back to Pennsylvania (where we are from), I experienced a huge emptiness and a deep sense of grief. I even developed bronchitis as a physical manifestation of grief (lungs) and “inflamed family environment” (based on Louise Hay’s work). Some would say, “Well, follow them back to PA then” but for me this isn’t how Life works. I follow the voice of my Soul to the best of my ability. This is Joyful and yet it does not make me immune to unpleasant feelings that sometimes show up because of where Life leads me.
So, two blessings occurred for me on the day my family headed back to Pennsylvania, and they both related to my guidance and my dream. To this day, they continue to be validated by synchronicities, like these two recent quotes by Caroline Myss that came across my Facebook newsfeed at the right and perfect time:
“If you want your situation to change, then set change in motion. If you want to improve your health, then set that intention. Work with the laws of the universe.” (I had already had my dream).
“My prayer on this day is that I receive the graces of hope and fortitude during this time in my life. Help me to make it through those moments when I feel like giving up. Hover over me, God, with guidance through my thoughts and through my dreams.” (In spite of excitement around forward movement, a renewed sense of purpose and children who are thriving even amidst upheaval, I have felt physically and emotionally drained these past few weeks related mostly to living apart from my children and what shows up for each of us as a result of this).
The first blessing that occurred on the day my family left was that I knew I didn’t make the extremely difficult and painful choice to mother my children from afar only to stay in a job that is absolutely no longer right for me. The second was that something occurred in the life of my male friend that has completely changed the form of our friendship to where we almost never see or talk with each other. Both of these Blessings motivated me to take action, and I’ve been flowing with The River ever since. In addition to moving me to take action, these two revelations/occurrences have forced me to feel my feelings once and for all, something I believe is enormously important and so often over-looked in what, to this point, has been our masculine-energy dominated world.
That same week, I wrote two questions in my journal before going to bed:
- What do I need to know?
- What is my next step?
Conveniently, answers showed up on my day off. For guidance and consolation, I kept picking up a book I have at my bedside, A Mother Apart: How To Release Guilt and Find Happiness While Living Apart from Your Child by Sarah Hart (a wonderful book!). Each page I randomly turned to contained exactly what I needed to hear with what was showing up for me. Too, without trying I kept meeting other mothers who live and/or have lived apart from their children for all kinds of reasons. While this book was certainly lending me comfort on a personal level, it did something else for me as well—namely, it highlighted my passion around this particular issue (mothers who live apart from their children) and around all women’s issues. My clear, convicted Soul Voice said to me, “I wonder if there are any Women’s Studies programs in Savannah?” And then, to my delight, my clear, convicted Soul voice answered itself and said, “Armstrong.”
Well, my conscious mind had no knowledge of this. Since I’ve learned there’s more to me than my conscious mind, right away I Googled “Women’s Studies programs in Savannah.” And guess what popped up—“Armstrong”! Turns out it’s the only one . . .
I call and leave a message. I feel so alive again. In following Aliveness, I decide to shower and head to the campus to see what it feels like. On the way there, I say to myself, “I have a feeling the program coordinator is going to call me back just as soon as I get to the campus.” Sure enough, as I sit at a red light a block from campus, feeling ignited about being a positive force for good (for mine and my children’s sakes and for all of Life’s sake) around a widely misunderstood issue (that of mothers who live apart from their children), I receive a call back from the program coordinator. She’s not normally in the office on Fridays but yes she’s there and I can come and meet with her. I hang up the phone full of relief, joy, excitement, anticipation and a sense of adventure. I look at the car ahead of me with a sticker that reads, “Armstrong Mom.” And I know just exactly what those words mean to me.
“I feel jaded.”
I spoke those words,
and then I looked up the definition:
jaded—adj. tired, bored or lacking enthusiasm,
typically after having had too much of something;
the end result of having a steady flow of negative
experiences, disappointments and unfulfillment
That’s exactly how I feel.
I jumped off a cliff . . .
You weren’t kidding when you said
‘no guarantees,’ were ya?”
How did I end up in a space
where I’m waving at Vitality
like She’s leaving
on an outbound train,
where I’m asked questions like,
“Where did that spark go?
That’s an attractive quality in you,
and it seems to have gone away.”
Do I tell them the truth? Do I say,
“She faded as I became too
comfortable in a life that’s
not my size. She dimmed
as I settled for less, sold
myself out and slammed
the door on my Soul.”?
Do I admit,
“I stand here before you
as a servant, not a server.
I have, once again, become a
slave to fear.
And so I serve
a tainted dish,
a glass of poison,
on a platter called
‘Living a Lie’”?
I’m here to serve, yes,
but Life wants to
through me—and I can tell ya,
it doesn’t consist of sweet tea
with a splash of un and a sandwich
cut into fours,
no matter how
they may be.
Do I tell you that I
stand lifeless before you
because I am choosing
to insult my Soul,
to dishonor, dismiss and
to shiver and quiver in
yet another leap?
I didn’t realize that when
I jumped off of one cliff
I’d land on
Until “Jaded” paid
me a visit
and drug me to the edge.
She was clever about it
when she said,
“Stay here with me where
it is safe and
Numb your pain with
Give me your power,
and I’ll take care of you.
We’ll be one, big, happy family,
and we’ll get through this together.”
She made it look and sound
and she even held me
upside down over
the edge to give
me a taste of the
She was dressed in Angel’s
but little did she know
that as she spoke
those tiny red horns
and I saw her for
who she really was.
and now it is
Jaded to whom I’m waving
as I board that outbound train.
Turns out Vitality is coming with me.
You’re gonna have to tie yourself
to someone else’s apron strings,
you sneaky little devil you.
‘Cuz I’m hanging it up
and without me, you die, too.
Thank You, Jaded,
for paying me a visit
so that I might
choose to leave a
that is not serving.
In this way, you
have served me well.
From Book of Life: Poems for the Journey
by Humaira/Amy Adams,
to be released in 2015
P.S. I gave my notice for the end of December and will begin my studies in January. Bring it, Life! I Love You.
P.P.S. I just finished this article at the Armstrong State library after visiting Admissions and Financial Aid. Also after a mid-afternoon game of phone Yahtzee–played from the gorgeous fountain in the middle of this beautiful campus—with my son who was home sick from school today.
It’s All Good.
Ahhhhhhhhhh . . . was it as good for you as it was for me?
Food can be nutritious and delicious at the same time.
In fact, in my experience, the most nutritious foods are the most delicious ones.
And we don’t have to exploit the Earth in order to enjoy nutritious and delicious foods: She gifts them to us. Yes: Nature’s Bounty.
If we stop buying “crap,” they’ll stop making it.
I don’t want to get on a soapbox here, but some things just need to be said.
We are killing ourselves, each other and Mother Earth with choices that can and DO only lead to pain and suffering.
I’m as “guilty” of it as the next person, though less so in recent years.
I know, I know: It’s easier to buy what “they’re” selling rather than think for ourselves, read a food label or do a little research. It’s quicker to go through a drive-thru or grab a candy bar. But, at what expense?
Granted, there are so many different opinions as to what’s healthy and what’s not, but some things are just obvious.
There’s no reason for “plastic” foods: artificial this and artificial that. There’s no reason for
pesticides . . . and, while we’re on the subject, there’s no reason for toxic cleaners, toiletries, etc. either.
Rather than withdraw from our wealth (be it in the form of our bank account, our health, our vitality or fill-in-the-blank), might we consider withdrawing our wallets?
They won’t make it if we don’t buy it.
I won’t pretend to know more about all of this than what I do, but I won’t pretend I don’t have an opinion about it either.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter to me what choices others make as I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I can only make my own. Further, I don’t see any of this as “right” or “wrong.”
However, I do believe certain things are worth drawing attention to AND worth considering.
There. I said what wanted to be said.
To each their own. No judgment. Just some “Food for Thought.”
such Soul in your eyes.
I’ve never seen it
in a four-legged creature,
the depth I see in you.
Sweet, Precious, Gentle—
It is your time, Dear One,
but it’s difficult to let you go.
That, due to circumstances,
we’ve been Blessed
to share so much time with you
as of late,
is a Miracle of the most wondrous kind.
You are Nate’s buddy—
the way you two look at each other
makes my heart melt.
He snuggles you, caresses you, walks you
(or do you walk him?),
even has your back when the mean lady
yells at you for walking on her grass!
He can’t compliment you enough—
he says you’re just so
sweet, nice, good . . .
Wow, he will miss you for sure.
But, too, the Wise Soul in him knows . . .
yes, deep down, he knows . . .
happens when It’s ready,
not when we are.
And Adalynn cares for you
like she’s your Mama . . .
always concerned about where you are,
happy to let you in and out
when you tap your paw on the windowpane.
Oh, “Aunt Sheba” . . .
You and I,
You’ve got moves that would put
Michael Jackson to shame!
Maybe the two of you
will do a little moonwalkin’
Sheba Louise . . . good, good girl.
Tears stream down my face . . .
Pappy Bill, our dad,
he loves you more than he loves anyone!
Okay, so maybe that’s because
you don’t scream, yell, jump on the furniture,
cry, stay out past curfew or worry him sick . . .
but, mostly, it’s just because you’re
What’s not to Love?
You are Love Itself.
Grandma Carol, our mom,
said she can honestly say
she’s never been angry with you,
and I believe her!
Bet she can’t say the same about me:-).
You’re my sister, my best doggy friend.
I didn’t hug you or pet you
as much as I would have liked
you shed like nobody’s business!
Now, I’d wear your fur
like my favorite sweater.
It’s true sometimes
we don’t know what we have
until it’s gone.
No, you know,
that’s NOT true in this case.
We knew what we had in You,
‘cause you’re just . . .
And we will continue
to know what we have in You
even as your body changes form.
You truly are
The Best Dog Ever!!!
And I’m not even a “dog person.”
Gosh, we’re all gonna miss You.
Tears . . . tears . . . tears . . .
enjoy the rest of your Journey
as your Spirit,
lives on . . .
Sweet, Precious Girl—
hugs, kisses, paws . . .
and one last look in those eyes . . .
By the Wayside
and come this way.”
the tiny voice
in my ear.
And I knew.
I knew it was time
to be prepared
to move on a whim,
at the drop of a dime.
is no longer
a structure made of
bricks or wood or stone.
is what I take with me
wherever I go.
and here they are again,
calling my name,
beckoning me to align
with the wind
that makes them dance.
They sing me a song
ease . . .
as I pack my bags yet again.
Uncertainty and Ambiguity
are my traveling companions now,
walking by my side
find my way.
I stumble in the dark,
but I can’t resist the Light.
Light recognizes me as Itself
and invites me to become
Then I shall
Radiate . . .
and the path will be
fell by the wayside.
Copyright © 2012 by Amy Adams
From: Book of Life: Poems for the Journey
Amy Adams is a poet/writer/facilitator who wishes to serve Humanity and the Cosmos by authentically expressing what it has come to mean to her to be Divinely Human. Her initial inspiration came from what she calls a “tried and true ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ experience.” Insights, poems and writings continue to pour through her to this day, and she will write as long as writing is what’s in front of her. In addition to writing, she enjoys dancing, singing, walking, reading, nature, conversations, playing . . .
Joy has become her guide, and she intends to share It by aligning with Flow, living Alive and creating a space where Joy is called forth from within the depths of every Being whose life she touches.
“Humaira” is a name that was gifted to her at the time the writings began. Amy has come to know Humaira as a very clear and wise aspect of her Being, one who is not censored, but who lives naturally, simply and from a place of Aliveness. When Amy aligns with the “Humaira energy,” a co-creative synergy seems to occur, and it is magical beyond even the words.
Amy currently resides in Montour Falls, NY and Altoona, PA, and takes her “Home” with her wherever she goes.
You can find Amy/Humaira by visiting the following:
“The Dancing Pen”
Amy is a regular contributor to the online magazine
Look for Amy’s upcoming books:
Book of Love: Poems to Light Your Way Home
Book of Life: Poems for the Journey
Book of Light: Poetic Vibrations for Healing, Balancing and Activating Your Chakras
Dying to Live: One Woman’s Journey through the Darkness and into the Light
Through a mobile service which she is calling
Traveling Light: A Moving Space to Carry You Home,
Amy is available for poetry readings,
phone sessions and/or as a
all related to coming Home to our Selves
and shining our Light to the world and beyond.
Amy is also beginning training as
an ecstatic dance facilitator. The playshops/workshops will contain
opportunities for healing and expressing the Joy that we are
through poetry, writing and dance.
Okay, so Death can and, in fact, is (I think) our biggest teacher, be it “literal” physical “death” or the small and not so small “deaths” we experience in our lives.
At the very least, death, for me, has become the absolute best analogy for, reason to get on with and validation of . . . living our lives.
Our only responsibility is to our Soul.
Here’s what I mean:
We don’t have to die just to avoid saying no to somebody!!! It’s true~I really think some of us would rather die (and possibly even choose to do so) than say no!
If we were here only for the purpose of “always being there for somebody else” (whatever that even means), then nobody would ever die. Think about it. The simple fact that we die really frees up space for anything and everything to be possible. I mean, surely, if I die today in a car accident, I am not going to be able to make the PTA meeting this evening. Why not Live today on a road trip and miss the PTA meeting for that reason instead?!!!
Okay, so some would say, “Well you have a choice where the road trip’s concerned, but dying wasn’t your fault . . . you had no choice.”
Who’s doing the choosing here?
I think we’ve come to a place in time where our challenge (read “opportunity”) is to make “Soul Choices” while still living, breathing and walking this Earth. It is as valid a choice to choose to Live as it is to choose to die, literally and metaphorically speaking. It is as valid a choice to choose Freedom as it is to choose suffering.
Hmmm . . . I’m not sure if I’m really conveying what I wish to convey here. Allow me to try an example:
I had committed myself to driving my friend and apartment-mate to and from our old hometown in a few weeks. In the meantime, the opportunity of a lifetime presented itself to me~one that I knew I wanted and needed to accept. Saying yes to this opportunity will prevent me from providing transportation for my friend, at least in the way we originally planned. Initially, when I was sharing with my friend about the opportunity, I had forgotten about my committment. She brought it to my attention soon enough. We both knew right away that, if things were meant to work out for me and this new opportunity, another option would present itself to her. Still, we ended up having a very interesting conversation around what occurred for each of us (we playfully called our conversation “The Most Amazing Bible Study Ever” as Life “Lessons” are worthy of a few Hallelujah’s for sure!!!).
Anyway, she admitted that, while she is thrilled for me, a part of her fleetingly felt like, “What about me?” And we discussed various examples of how we have experienced feeling that way (on both “sides” of the issue, actually) in our lives. I shared how there have been times where I have felt very happy for someone and yet disappointed for myself if their opportunity meant a closed door for me . . . and how, now, I choose to live more from a place of, “Well, then something ‘better’ is in store for me.” Too, if I Love you, really Love you, with Big Love, unconditionally (the only “Real” Love), then I want for you what you want for you. That is, I want for you what Life wants for you, what your Soul wants for you~even if I think it’s not what’s “best” for you, even if it is affecting my life in what I might perceive to be a “negative” way. This doesn’t mean I won’t share with you what I think I’m seeing or what I’m feeling . . . it simply means I still allow you the Freedom of your choice. This is all true for my friend as well~we share this newfound view of Life (which can probably more accurately be called “an awareness of how things really are”). Still, as an example and a really good depiction of what we were discussing, I expressed to her and she agreed that other plans presenting themselves to me (ones that I wanted to follow) is really no different than if I were to say to her, “Sorry for dying in a car accident today and ruining your plans.”
So often these days, I find myself responding to myself and to others when faced with a dilemma of some sort, “If that were true, then people wouldn’t die.” Arguing with what is is like arguing with death after it has already shown up . . . why argue with it? It’s there! And I really think that sums it up . . . because we die, anything is possible!
And that’s the Good News!
We are THAT Free even and especially, in some ways, when we are Alive!!!
All we can do is choose from a place of Pure Intentions and then allow the pieces to fall (or Rise) where they may for everyone involved (including ourselves). It is possible to make a choice that is “acceptable” to others from a place of impure intentions and to make a choice that is “unacceptable” to others from a place of Pure Intentions. It’s the Purity of the Intentions that really matter, not the choice itself.
Soul Choices . . . A-haaaaaa!!!
What THIS is About
Your Endless, Boundless, Eternal Soul.
That’s what THIS is about.
It changes things, doesn’t it,
Suddenly, you are not focused
on preventing and avoiding death—
that which is a hopeless feat anyway.
Instead, you choose to live in the Present Moment,
the endless cycle of Death and Rebirth,
and you breathe.
Soul choices are different—
they come without the madness,
without the what-if’s,
without the worry and control;
there may be some of this at first,
Soul decisions feel light;
they’re made up of trust, spontaneity.
They lead you to the next stop
on your Eternal Journey.
You recognize them when they come—
even if you deny them, stall them, suppress them—
still, you know them—
these benevolent promptings from your Soul.
Give them a chance;
try them out;
play with them.
Your small yeses will become
your larger Yes,
the Reason You Came—
What THIS is About.
Amy Adams is a poet/writer who wishes to serve Humanity and the Cosmos by authentically expressing what it has come to mean to her to be Divinely Human. Her initial inspiration came from what she calls a “tried and true ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ experience.” Insights, poems and writings continue to pour through her to this day, and she will write as long as writing is what’s in front of her. In addition to writing, she enjoys dancing, singing, walking, reading, nature, conversations, playing . . .
Joy has become her guide, and it is her intention to allow Joy to Be contagious, sharing It with everyone she meets through her unique gifts and, ultimately, her Life lived.
“Humaira” is a name that was gifted to her at the time the writings began. Amy has come to know Humaira as a very clear and wise aspect of her Being, one who is not censored, but who lives naturally, simply and from a place of Aliveness. When Amy aligns with the “Humaira energy,” a co-creative synergy seems to occur, and it is magical, beyond even the words.
Look for Amy’s first book, coming in August 2012:
“Book of Love: Poems to Light Your Way Home”
Follow Amy/Humaira @:
Blog (The Dancing Pen)
Amy is a regular contributor to the online magazine
Amy is available for poetry readings, phone sessions and playshops/workshops , all related to Coming Home to Who We Are and Shining our Light to the world and beyond!
…says God, Life.
I have submitted the final manuscript for my book and I’m wondering, “What do I do with myself now?”
Life is such a Dance . . . between acting and allowing.
I allow the inspiration, and I act on it.
I act on the inspiration, and I allow It to do what It must.
Birthing a book is so very similar to birthing children.
It’s that whole Roots and Wings thing, ya know? This book wanted to come through me so strongly. Mostly, I stepped aside and allowed myself to be The Channel. There were times, though, when I held on and said, “Oh no…what if I let go of control? What might come of It then?”
And the answer is, “What is to come of It will come of It.” And with my children, “What is to come of them will come of them.”
I can support, guide, do the footwork, etc., but, ultimately, God has the final say…for my book, my children, myself and my Life.
And, you know, I wouldn’t have it any other way…not now. Now that I know the release, the relief, that comes from surrendering It all into God’s hands, I most certainly would not have it any other way.
I offer this book–Life offers this book–as a Gift. I might even go so far as to say, “This book is Life offering Itself to whomever might be served by what lies within It.”
Too, Life offers my children, myself–all of us–as Channels through which Life, Divinity, expresses Itself.
We “Go Within,” we let It out, and all are served.
Break out the ice chips, the birthing ball, the aromatherapy, the music, whatever it takes…cuz I am as fertile as the ground in springtime and pregnant with possibility.
I said, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” and Life said, “Here I Am!”
This labor thing is gonna last a while. Thank goodness for midwives and doulas.
I was walking the other day, and there was so much pollen floating through the air that I thought to myself, “Gees, I hope I don’t get pregnant.” Life was so full, so vibrant, so, so…all around me, IN me! It was as if I was bursting with It, blooming forth from a tight bud.
This is how it is after the long, cold, dark winter.
Life wants to live, and She means business!
I accept Her invitation, She holds the door open wide…and She looks at me and smiles and says, “Allow Me.”
Give it to Me
Give it to Me.
All of it.
I know exactly where it belongs.
Give Me your Joy and your Sorrow,
your Successes and your Mis-takes,
your most precious, cherished Gifts,
oh, yes, especially those.
The people, places and things nearest and dearest to You–
release them to Me all the more.
I can’t do anything much while you’re still holding on,
clinging for dear Life.
Relax into Me,
surrender into Me,
and Dear Life will sort itself out.
I will wait with utmost patience,
but, ultimately, the decision must be yours.
Would it be a choice if I made it for you?
The harder you cling,
the more certain you are to lose what’s within your grasp.
In Me, you can never lose anything.
Transmuting Energy is what I do best.
I am the Divine Mixer and the Divine Mix,
endlessly inviting you back to the drawing board
so that we may begin anew.
We work with what’s right before our very eyes,
stirring it up and starting again.
You give it to Me, and I give it back to you.
And the world receives,
gave it to Me.
From Book of Love: Poems to Light Your Way Home,
by Humaira/Amy Adams,
available through xlibris.com, barnesandnoble.com, and amazon.com
I’m on fire, in, a good way. Yes, death has birthed me and I simply cannot stop Living!
Do we value Life as much as we do death? I think not.
Here’s what I mean. It seems to me, in our society, we believe we have to get sick, develop an illness, have a death in the family or even die ourselves in order to justify taking a break from living lives we absolutely do not wish to live.
You know, we feel like we have to give a good excuse, reason or explanation as to why we can’t or won’t do something somebody has asked us to do…”Oh, sorry, I can’t…I have to work.”; “I won’t be able to make it…I’m already volunteering tonight.”; “I would but I already promised so and so I’d help her out.”
There IS another way…
How about, “I won’t be able to come to your function…I have plans to take a bubble bath.”???
Or what about, “No, thank you.”???
Or just, “No.”???
My yes to me is always a yes to you and it just might sound a whole lot like a no! No is yes and yes is yes.
This applies in small ways and in the larger picture of our lives.
Could it be that we just might possibly have it all wrong?…a little backwards maybe?
What would happen if we valued a life of purpose, meaning, Joy and unconditional service as much as we do martyrdom, victimhood, obligation, resentment and responsibility?
I am clear that my only responsibility is to my Soul. If that were not true, I would never die. Surely, my death puts a damper on someone else’s day if that someone believes that their life is dependent upon me staying alive.
Death (aka Life) does not happen at a convenient time. Asking someone to put their life on hold for your death is no different than asking someone to put their death on hold for your life. This is not to say we won’t do so…it’s just that Aliveness causes us to come from a place of Conscious Choice rather than obligation. When we release expectations and shoulds for ourselves and for others, we allow space for Natural Expression, Inner Guidance, and everyone and everything to Rise into Its rightful and perfect place. We let go of the reigns and invite Life to enter. In this way, Life is not put on hold at all, even in so-called death. A Yes to our Soul is Life, even though it may look very much like death to our personality.
I’ve often said that people are going to get pissed at us and blame us anyway, so we may as well live the lives we want to live. Surrendering to God’s idea of my Life is the best way I know to do so…that is, live the life I want to live. This was a huge revelation for a former people-pleaser like myself. When I stopped putting others before God, I heard Her loud and clear. And, to the best of my ability, I shall heed her promptings. And I shall Love with Big Love all the way. Guess what… you are free:-)!!! No longer will I attempt to get you to like me or approve of me by doing what I think you want me to do. And I Am also Free! Talk about Good News!
Everyone is served when we are true to ourselves. Nobody is served if we hide our Light and come up with a million excuses as to why we simply “can’t do it.”
An aquaintance was attempting to “save” me the other day. We were having a conversation about life, trials and tribulations, etc. I expressed to her that I suspect if Jesus, Buddha, Lao Tzu, Muhammed, etc. were alive at the same time, they would have been good buddies, as they all relayed essentially the same message. Her response to me was “Yes, but Jesus is the only one who died for our sins.” I know where she’s coming from. Been there. Believed that (well, sort of believed, at least as much as I needed to in order to live up to being a “good little Catholic girl”). Anyway, we agreed to disagree and, as I walked away, she said, “I will pray that you change your mind.” I said, “I’m certain you will.”
Today, I was driving and that conversation popped into my mind and all I could think was, “Get a Life.” Seriously, let’s agree to stop attempting to save and convert each other so as to keep ourselves from truly living. Let’s stop judging others’ choices to keep ourselves from secretly experiencing the jealousy we feel about not summoning the courage to make those same choices ourselves. Let’s stop encouraging and enabling each other to live dead “lives”.
Live for the sake of Living. It’s as simple as that.
Even now, you don’t have to believe anything I say. I only express it because it wants to be expressed. I have no need or desire to have you agree with me. However, if what I share serves you in some way, so be it.
It’s like God saying, “This is for YOUR sake, not mine.”
Back to my driving daydream…I no sooner replayed that conversation in my mind when “My Prerogative” by Bobby Brown came on the radio. I thought, “How fitting!” and I belted it out like nobody’s business! As if that wasn’t enough to make me smile at synchronicities galore pouring from the sky, I turned the station when the song was over, only to find Brittany Spears singing her version of the same song. I was in awe.
(The Universe communicates with me in the form of songs, either pre-existing songs which validate my current circumstances, guidance, experiences, etc. or with lyrics and melodies presenting themselves to me out of nowhere, inviting me to birth them into the world. It’s a blast, I must say!)
I reached my destination, only to become involved in yet another opportunistic conversation. The woman said to me, “Your children need you, at least until they’re 18, if not beyond.” My response was, “My children do not need me and I’ll be the first to tell them that. What kind of life am I setting them up for if I have them believe that they need me? I tell my children, ‘Go Within AND I am here for you’.” She responded, “Well, my mother needs me.” I lovingly shared, “Your mother does not need you. You could die tomorrow. What then? Your mother will likely live on. As you take your next “right” step, someone else will step in. This does not mean you won’t choose to support your mother in some way…it just means she does not NEED you to do so.”
The point I’m attempting to make here is that, for each of us, our next “right” step could be death or Life…and both are Life, by the way.
The Force is the Force is the Force. It’s leading us where it’s leading us and it’s pull is strong. It is okay to let go. When we have held on for as long as we possibly can…yes, it is absolutely okay to let go and even enjoy the ride. What’s the point of riding in the first place if we stay stuck in guilt and blame? A death bed is a Life bed and vice versa. Two sides of the same coin.
We have made Jesus out to be a martyr. We made him into a victim. I want to tell you something…He Lived! I’m not saying he didn’t die first (like we all do), but there was ultimately no room for regret in his surrender. Yes, He Lived. I suspect he EVEN made sweet, sweet Love to Mary Magdalene…that’s how much he Lived…that’s my story anyway, and I’m sticking to it. Too, he Lived in the sense that he wasn’t willing to sell his Soul to conformity and the status quo. We justify and even honor our own martyrdom and victimhood by believing that’s what Jesus was all about. And we offer it all up as repentance for our so-called sins!
Jesus invited us to Life, the fullness of Life in all Its Glory!
You’ve just been bitten by Life and it is serious…so, you might consider calling in for a “Well Day” in order to give this Life Bug time to move through you and do what it must.
Don’t be surprised if, after a few days off, you want to take extended “Well Leave.”
I’m just sayin’…that’s what happened FOR me…
This is the true meaning of:
“Married (to your Self) for Life”
“Ye shall have no other gods before Me”
Let us honor the Life within and allow Its outer Expression, whatever that means for each of us.
Life, as honorable and worthy of our time, encouragement and support as “death”…
C’mon…just one little taste:-)???
You’ll be hooked!
Let’s all live, side by side, even if we’re miles apart, Loving, Embracing, Allowing…
It’s just so much more fun then living miles apart, even if we’re side by side, Resenting, Blaming, Judging…
As for me, my Life is my own. I am not asking anyone’s permission to Live…
As If I Could Know
Do I dare believe
that I could possibly know
what’s best for you?
The second I take your matters
into my hands,
I give away my power
and I take yours away
(as if I could)
I Am here
I Love You
and that is It
That is All
I Love You so much
that I free you
to come and go as you wish
In small ways
and in “not so small” ways
And I free myself, too.
Let us not hold ourselves prisoner
to someone else’s idea
of what our lives should look like
Do I know what’s best for you?
I do not.
pretending I do
too much pressure…
If I Am inspired to guide you,
If I Am called to share
my experiences with you,
but your matter of Life and death is not mine
I free you to Live and die as you so choose
and I Love You
with Big Love
Let’s walk together,
side by side
for as long as Life compels us to do so,
for as long as there is still Life in our walk
only Death shall part us
and I am no match for Her,
at least not of myself alone
I will not fight Her when she arrives
I will not argue with Life or Death
or anyone else’s
Doing so causes suffering
and I choose Freedom
Life is Love
Death is Love
As if I could know better than
I will not even begin to try.
I sent God a Knee-mail and here’s the automated response I received:
“I will be IN the office from Now until Eternity. Please send all questions and concerns directly to me and expect an immediate response.
If the response you receive does not support you in your queries, it is certain you mistakenly contacted My competitor, “I Am Not.” As you know, he frequently poses as Me so as to attract more clients. Do not worry, as you’ll know soon enough you’ve been fooled by the simple fact that he does not offer the “Time of Your Life” guarantee that I do.
It would be wise to delete his response as it certainly belongs in the category of “Junk Mail.”
As for your question, I have already sent your response. Remember, I know what you are going to ask even before you do. I HAVE been in this business a very long time. Be sure to close out all other files before downloading My response, as you will have created the Space to receive your answer promptly and clearly.
Enjoy your day and let Me know how I can be of further assistance.
Oh, and remember to LOL often.
Head Honchess and Program Coordinator
Live Your Life, Inc.
1111 Infinity Way
Here There, Everywhere 99999
The Journey Home: God’s Letter to Me
My Darling, Precious Child
I Am Your Home
and I Am Here for You
Now and Forevemore.
You may choose to leave this Place
but it will only be your perception
that you have left
For, in Reality,
You can never leave
Your True Home
Which is Me.
I Am with You Always and in All Ways.
Now I won’t force you to stay
against your will
What kind of Love would that be?
The possessive kind
and that is not Love at all
That is ownership
And I don’t own you.
I LOVE You.
I Love You so much
that I free you to leave Me
as often as you wish
For, I know
that your leaving
is an illusion
You can never leave Me
and I can never leave You.
I Am You. You Are Me.
We are the beach
and the grain of sand.
We are the body
and the cells.
We are the ocean
and the waves.
We are the Cosmos
and the Stars.
We are bound together
You and I.
When it feels
as though I have left you
Go deep into Your Knowing
That this can never be true.
I will allow you
to find your own way,
but the second you want My Guidance,
it is Yours for the asking.
I see things you don’t see
But they won’t mean
near as much to you
if I tell you about them
As they will if I allow you to
I will leave the Light on for you,
my Beloved Child.
Even as you stumble in the Dark
Know that You can Always
With Love, God.